Shadows of the Mountain Page 20

  He didn’t know what to expect. Maybe for her to curse or yell or cry, or even to chuck the sandwich at his head. He only wanted to goad her into talking. But she didn’t move. Didn’t react. He’d been so busy apologizing, trying to justify his suspicions, that he hadn’t noticed her total lack of response.

  It still rankled that she’d hidden a lethal weapon, and her explanation that she wanted to feel safe didn’t hold much weight. But she was acting weird, like a terrified captive who couldn’t speak English and fully expected to face a firing squad. Incommunicative, afraid, helpless.

  On impulse, he rose, scooped up the knife and placed it on her lap. Then he sat down, tucked her feet back beneath his shirt and resumed rubbing. They no longer felt like blocks of ice, almost matching his own body temperature, but he didn’t want to stop. Not while he had the horrible feeling she might never let him touch her again.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  KATE STARED DOWN AT her knife, its curved steel glistening beneath the moonlight. It must have passed Jack’s inspection. There was no way he’d leave it within reach if he’d found a speck of what he believed to be Kessler’s blood. Not only in reach but on her lap. She set down the pita wrap and tentatively placed her fingers around the familiar handle.

  Jack didn’t whip the knife away. In fact, he seemed totally absorbed with rubbing her feet. She wrapped her fingers more firmly around the handle, checking his reaction. But he made no move to grab it. Maybe he believed her? Which meant he wouldn’t be dragging her back to the side of that ledge. And she was flooded with such a wave of relief, her body spasmed.

  His hands stilled. “Does this hurt?”

  She shook her head, her fingers tightening around the knife.

  “You’re not going to stick me with that thing, are you, Kate?” he asked, his voice wry.

  “I don’t want to.” Her voice vibrated in her ears, the sound almost foreign as she struggled to push the words through her dry throat. “But I will. If you try to throw me over again, I will fight.”

  His entire body jolted. “Kate...you must have known I could never do that. Would never do that.”

  She raised her head, checking his face, even though it meant looking in the direction of that dark yawning chasm. He looked incredulous. Then his hands dropped to his sides.

  “Were you really that scared?” he asked, his voice so low it was distorted by the wind.

  Scared. She didn’t like that word. Didn’t like to be reminded of her shortcomings, or remember how scared she’d been trying to keep those wolves away from Danny’s father. It always left a numb feeling in her chest.

  Her feet felt cold without the warmth of Jack’s hands. She twisted, fumbling for her socks. However, he retrieved them first so she just eyed him, still defiantly gripping her knife.

  The wind swirled, reminding her how close she was to the ledge. How precariously close they both were. He didn’t seem to notice.

  “You must have known it was a bluff,” he said, propping her foot on his thigh and trying to tug the wool sock over her foot. “We weren’t even that close to the edge.”

  She faked a shrug. If he didn’t realize she’d been petrified, she was never going to admit it. But she could feel his confusion, his unusual clumsiness as he kept snagging the sock over her big toe. He made two more failed attempts then sighed and rose, scooping up her boots along with the socks.

  “Let’s move further back into the cave,” he said, extending his hand.

  She’d like nothing better than to move away from the ledge. But the wind was whipping and her legs felt weak. Standing seemed risky.

  “Let’s go inside,” he repeated. “Back where it’s safe.”

  She eyed his hand then checked his expression. There was nothing menacing and he didn’t look disappointed in her. If anything he looked...stricken. It was probably wise to hold on to him. He was far too solid to blow off the mountain and his balance was uncanny. But then she wouldn’t be able to carry both her knife and her sandwich. And she didn’t want to leave either one.

  “I’ll bring your food,” he said. “You carry your knife.”

  That sounded like a good plan but she still didn’t dare stand. The wind was too gusty. Best to wait until it settled, or at least established a firm direction. Jack shifted, moving between her and the ledge, his big body buffering her from the wind. His feet seemed solid, his legs not swaying at all. Still, she scooted backward several inches before daring to rise, not far enough that he’d notice but enough to make her feel a bit more secure.

  Then she rose, one hand gripping her knife, the other clutching his fingers and they walked silently into the cave.

  She released his hand the moment they were surrounded by the comforting rock walls. He walked another ten feet, past the point where he’d first dropped the backpack. Then he spread the plastic on the ground and carefully placed her boots and socks beside it.

  “This is good, right?” he asked. “No wind but there’s still some moonlight so we can see a bit. Is this far enough in?”

  Dismay clogged her throat. It was obvious he realized now she had issues. In fact, he sounded like Andrew, just before he’d advised that she was a liability and he didn’t feel safe hiking with her.

  She gave a little nod, then smoothed the edge of the plastic and sank down, knowing Jack was going to ask a lot of painful questions. And she wouldn’t be able to stop the memories, the vivid pictures, and oh, God, she just hoped she wouldn’t have a panic attack. Not up here, not when they still had to elude Logan.

  But he didn’t say a word. He just slipped the sock on her right foot, then the left, and tucked the blanket around her shoulders. Then he sat down behind her, wrapping her in his arms and legs, his chest pressed against her back. She jerked forward, trying to pull away. However, he kept her enfolded, his arms unmoving.

  “You had a scare, Kate,” he said, his breath fanning her ear. “This is the fastest way to warm up.”

  He swept aside her protest and tucked her head beneath his chin. His heart seemed to be pounding as fast as hers, overpowering the sounds of the wind outside. He didn’t seem inclined to talk either, didn’t ask what bones Danny had broken or if Smitty could still see out of his crushed eye socket. Neither did he ask about the cliff or how many feet the horses had fallen. And for that she was grateful. She gave another half-hearted wiggle, just to show her reluctance, but they both knew she wasn’t going anywhere. His body felt like a furnace, blasting off so much heat she felt surprisingly comfortable. Almost secure.

  Which was ironic considering how quickly he’d turned into her biggest threat.

  Now that she wasn’t so incapacitated with fear, she began to feel other emotions. Resentment, hurt, hunger.

  The pita wrap sat on the other side of his hip and she considered reaching for it. But moving out of his sheltering cocoon meant the end of his warmth. It would also end their tacit truce. He’d have to grill her about the knife. If someone had smuggled a weapon on one of her trail rides, she’d want to know the reason why too. And he worked for the government. He was paid to be suspicious.

  But she didn’t want to talk about the accident. She’d be content if they could sit silently until dawn. Maybe they could pretend the whole thing was a little misunderstanding. Then neither of them would have to justify their actions, or take the blame.

  Besides, if Logan and his men caught them, it wouldn’t even matter. So there was no need for talking. In fact, she could wait until morning to eat.

  Her stomach rumbled.

  Jack leaned sideways. A blast of cool air chilled her back. Then his arms were around her again and the pita wrap was lying on her lap. And he was being so thoughtful, so silent, and her eyes pricked with unshed tears because even if they were able to escape, it was unlikely he’d ever hold her like this again.

  She fought back the sting, relieved it was still dark. She had no idea what he was thinking, or how much time they had before dawn. And while she didn’t want to fi
ght, or talk about anything contentious, it seemed a waste to just sit.

  She wet her throat, trying for a tone that was neither hurt nor angry. “It feels late,” she said. “What time is it?”

  “Twenty-three hundred.”

  His arm didn’t move to check his watch, so clearly he was staying alert to the time. Probably wondering when she’d be composed enough to push off his lap. And the fact that he answered in agent speak, instead of saying eleven o’clock, underscored their differences.

  His objective was to ensure Courtney’s safety, not waste time soothing her feelings. Now that he realized she was such a liability, no doubt he wished she hadn’t volunteered to go with him. But she hadn’t realized they’d be climbing a damn mountain.

  Her frustration welled. She’d only wanted to help, had been trained to rescue people. Now she was just a hindrance. “Bet you wish I’d gone with the mules,” she said, keeping her voice light.

  “Yes,” he said.

  Plastic sounded and she realized he was unwrapping her food. As if he considered her helpless. And maybe she had been reduced to jelly when she’d been standing next to a thousand- foot drop, but she was perfectly fine in the cave.

  “I can do that,” she snapped.

  His arms tightened to steel bands, the way they’d felt outside when he thought she’d been working with Logan. When he’d threatened to throw her off the mountain. And she instinctively shrank away.

  She heard his intake of breath, knew he’d felt her recoil.

  “I admit I’m terrified of heights,” she said, calming her voice. “But I can open my own sandwich.”

  “I didn’t know.” His voice was gruff. “I’m sorry, Kate. I hate that I tried to scare you.”

  His arms tightened a fraction. But earlier their strength had been frightening. Now they felt comforting, protective. Even though she was a rock around his neck, he didn’t sound disdainful. In fact, he sounded pained.

  She swallowed, but there was no longer anything to hide. “It probably wasn’t hard,” she admitted. “To scare me.”

  “But I did. My actions were unforgiveable.”

  He didn’t go on about protocols, or threats, or that he’d had no choice because the job came first. And even though his corded arms remained tight, they didn’t feel threatening. They just felt like they were never letting go.

  She waited a moment, but he seemed to have finished speaking. And she was hungry. She fumbled with the plastic, then tore it off. She picked up the sandwich, took a tiny bite, then a bigger one, surprised by her appetite. She held it toward his mouth, trying to share. Felt his head shake.

  “That’s yours,” he said.

  He spoke no more, remaining silent even when he passed her a bottle of water followed by a delicious protein bar with chocolate and nuts. He waited until she’d swallowed the last piece of food and had wiped her mouth.

  Then he reached around, encasing both her hands. “You’re not going to be able to climb any higher, are you?”

  Her eyes jammed shut. She’d known this moment would come. Wished it hadn’t. To a man like him, she must seem cowardly. As a former SEAL, he’d obviously handled much bigger terrors, rebounded from worse events.

  “And I caused that fear,” he added.

  “It wasn’t you,” she said, unable to be less than honest. “I was afraid from the moment we started climbing. That’s why I didn’t want to free the horses.”

  “You’re incredibly brave. To climb so high. To make it this far.”

  She winced. “No, I was terrified the entire way. Even when we were riding.”

  “That’s what courage is,” he said.

  Her therapist had said the same thing, but it sounded genuine coming from someone like Jack. And he didn’t seem disturbed by her admission or act like he wanted to put distance between them. In fact, his body moved closer, his fingers entwined with hers as his thumb stroked the inside of her wrist. And he wasn’t asking her to talk, wasn’t saying anything, he was just...there.

  Countless minutes passed, the only sound the relentless dripping of water down the cave walls.

  “It’s probably best if I just hide in the little cave,” she said. “I used to enjoy climbing. Not any more.”

  He didn’t speak, his very silence comforting. Inviting.

  “My ex-boyfriend and I were both park rangers,” she said, her voice rusty. “We hiked a lot when we weren’t working.”

  Jack’s thumb kept strumming her wrist, calm and soothing. It helped that it was dark and he couldn’t see her face.

  “That’s what we were doing last fall,” she said, “when we came across an accident... Danny, just twelve, and his dad, Smitty. Danny said the pack slipped and the horse spooked, dragging down the other two.” She gripped Jack’s hand, surprised she could even say their names. “Danny hit a ledge and didn’t fall all the way to the bottom. He’d been alone, upset. Forced to listen to the sounds from below.

  “Andrew went for help once Danny was stable. I did what I could for Smitty then climbed up and sat with Danny. All he wanted was reassurance that his father would be okay. He kept asking who was moaning. It was a relief when the crows came, and their caws covered up the groans.”

  She swallowed. “The wolves arrived at dusk. I lit a fire but they kept getting bolder.” Even the spear she’d carved hadn’t helped. Every time she chased them away from Smitty, they’d slink in on the horses. And Danny kept calling from the ledge, asking what was happening and pleading for her to come back.

  “By midnight Smitty and two of the horses had died from their injuries. I used the last of the wood to build up the fire around Smitty’s body. I couldn’t leave the other horse to be eaten alive so I used my knife. And that’s why I brought it on the ride. Because I couldn’t imagine not having it.”

  She blew out a shaky breath. “The knife was never meant to hurt Courtney. It was only to help, although I guess it’s really a crutch...for me. I can’t face the thought of riding without it. And I know you have to ask questions, but that’s the truth.”

  “I just want to ask one thing,” Jack said.

  She squared her shoulders. No doubt he was suspicious about Monty, and why the experienced guide even wanted her on the trail. But she couldn’t answer that. According to Andrew, everyone had been reluctant to partner with her.

  “I need someone who can watch my back,” he had said. “I can’t trust you anymore. You’re too scared of heights. And it’s messed up that you could slit a horse’s throat.”

  She’d given notice at her job the next day even though her boss had offered a paid leave. He’d even offered to transfer Andrew if it would make her life any easier. But Kate knew Andrew wasn’t the problem.

  She shifted uneasily. Didn’t like to talk about it, didn’t want to let the bloody images creep back into her head. But if she and Jack made it out, there would be an inquiry with far stiffer questions, and similarly hostile interrogators.

  Although Jack couldn’t really be termed hostile. Not any longer. In fact he’d lifted her hand and was kissing her palm, his mouth lingering over her skin in such a reassuring way it smoothed away her reticence.

  “If your question is about Monty,” she said, “you don’t need to worry. He’s totally trustworthy. Courtney is in good hands. I don’t know why Monty wanted me on such an important trail ride. I really don’t.”

  “That’s not my question,” Jack said. “I just wonder why your boyfriend didn’t stay.”

  “Our cell phones didn’t have coverage. He had to hike out and find a spot where it would work.”

  “That doesn’t really answer the question.”

  “I never thought about it,” she said. “It was an ugly scene, and they needed urgent medical help. Guess Andrew thought he could travel faster than me.”

  “And he probably knew you were more capable than him,” Jack said. “That you could handle the tougher job.”

  “No, that was just the way it worked out.”

 
; “But he was the one who left. He chose the easier route. He left you with the carnage, as well as the fall-out.”

  The fall-out. Jack’s voice gentled when he said those words, making her suspect he knew more about the accident than she’d thought. Naturally it had made the news under a variety of headlines, most of them sensationalized, the words imprinted in her brain. ‘Park Ranger Risks Life to Hold Hand of Dying Boy,’ ‘Wonder Woman Fights Pack of Wolves...And Wins.’ ‘Survival Nut Slits Throats Of Horses.’

  That last one had hurt, and poisonous rants from animal lovers had resulted in her closing all her social media accounts. Andrew had persisted in reading the comments aloud though, seeming to delight in any negative ones. “See,” he’d said, tapping the screen, “these people feel the same way I do. Let’s face it, what you did wasn’t normal. And I have to tell you, it’s not just me.”

  “I wish Andrew had stayed instead of me,” she said, feeling a warm tear slide down her cheek. “But I don’t think he would have been good with Danny. Or the horses. And they would have suffered horribly.”

  “Yes,” Jack said wryly. “And I’m sure he knew that.”

  Maybe Andrew had. Ironically, he loved the limelight. Had reveled in the media attention until questions arose as to why he’d been so slow finding an area with phone reception. He hadn’t liked that she’d been hailed as a hero, and not him. It hadn’t mattered to her. The end result was still the same; she hadn’t managed to save anyone. And she couldn’t believe she was sitting in an inky cave, hiding from killers, talking this freely about a time she’d always kept buried.

  Her tears were flowing freely now but she didn’t try to hide them, or even wipe them away. Jack was doing an admirable job, using both of his hands, cradling her face while swiping her cheeks with his thumb.

  “This is a bad time to talk about this,” she said, between sniffs. “Here. On a mountain. On the run from hired killers.”

  “Always the perfect time to unload,” he said. And there was a hint of wistfulness in his voice.

  Of course, he probably had stuff going on too. And she didn’t want to hog their last quiet hours, rehashing events in her life that no doubt seemed trivial to a former SEAL, a man who performed secretive jobs for the President and had experienced so much more death and destruction.