Grave Instinct Page 19

  Justin’s gentle touch didn’t change but his jaw turned granite hard. “You need to talk to the detectives,” he said. “As soon as you’re able.”

  “So you’re not here in that capacity?”

  “No.”

  She thought for a moment then tucked her head back into his shoulder. She felt too fragile to talk to anyone else right now. Her brain kept skipping back to fragmented memories when Erin had tugged her away from Robert. She’d thought her sister wanted all the attention when really Erin had been trying to protect her. And the more Nikki remembered, the more her guilt swelled.

  “I never understood Erin,” she said brokenly. “Never guessed…”

  “Of course you didn’t. Neither did your mother. Or me.” There was a pensive note to Justin’s voice and she knew he was remembering all the times Robert had visited the barn and watched them ride.

  She pressed her head against the pillow, her chest feeling as if it was about to cave in. For years she’d been driven by the idea of finding Erin, alive and well. It had been Robert who’d helped her become a certified investigator. Robert who had paid for all the extra martial arts lessons. “Just in case you ever meet up with Erin’s abductor,” he had said. And all along he’d been the snake in the grass.

  “Where is he now?” she asked.

  Justin didn’t pretend not to understand. “In custody. He was treated for dog bites. He could have been hurt a lot worse…Gunner could have killed him.”

  She stared at the white sheet covering her feet. Yes, Robert could have been hurt far worse. Perhaps he should have been. She resisted the urge to cross her arms, trying not to second guess her decision.

  “I’m surprised you didn’t let Gunner finish the job,” Justin said, his fingers linking through hers as if in solidarity.

  “I wanted to. But the police would have shot him if they found Robert with a ripped-out throat. And Gunner was already hurt. I didn’t want him to lose any more blood and possible die because of a scumball molester.”

  “Excellent reasons. But when they question you, don’t be so honest. Just say you and your dog are trained not to use unnecessary force. Can you do that?”

  “A decorated detective shouldn’t be encouraging me to lie.” However, his support made her feel much less alone. Justin had been at the barn the day Erin disappeared. Their shared guilt had been a large part of what had kept them connected. It had also been a large part of what kept them apart. And Robert’s lies and innuendoes, his fake evidence, hadn’t helped.

  “I’m sorry,” she said.

  “For what?”

  “For trusting Robert more.”

  “Your guilt left you susceptible,” Justin said. “Misplaced though it was. And Robert was smart. He knew how to manipulate your mom into stoking it.”

  She nodded. Everything Justin said was true but the words didn’t make her feel much better. Because she’d sent Erin on that trail ride. She’d put her sister in a position to be alone with a monster. And nothing could be done to change that. Because she knew the harsh truth now… Erin was never coming back.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  “When you go back to the vet clinic tonight,” Sonja said, “take these treats to Gunner.” She reached across her selection of teas and candles and picked up a big box of gourmet dog biscuits. “They’ll boost his spirits.”

  Nikki didn’t remember saying Gunner was depressed but she was past questioning Sonja’s psychic abilities. And naturally her dog was depressed. He’d been at the clinic for eight days, ever since their encounter with Robert, and his movement was severely restricted. When he left there, it would be months of physio at the K-9 center and though she was beyond grateful for Tony’s support, she missed her dog. And he missed her.

  “Is there anything else he wants?” Nikki asked humbly. “Besides being able to run again.”

  Sonja’s eyebrows pursed in thought. “A pony,” she said.

  Nikki laughed but the smile slipped off her face at her friend’s serious expression. “You’re kidding,” Nikki said. “My yard is barely big enough for a dog.”

  “You can keep it at my place,” Sonja said. “All I know is I’m seeing a pony.” She turned quiet again, obviously back in her psychic bubble. “And apples,” she added. “Erin wants apples.”

  Nikki froze. It seemed as if her lungs had shrunk and she couldn’t get enough air. This was the first occasion since the time Sonja had warned about concrete that she’d brought up Erin’s name in a psychic context. And it gutted Nikki knowing that for years her sister had been buried in Robert’s yard while she’d sat twenty feet away, smiling and laughing with the man who’d put her there.

  She knew the truth now: Knowing someone was dead was far worse than fearing it. And if Erin wanted apples, she would get them, even if Nikki wasn’t sure where to take the fruit. Her sister’s remains were still at the coroner’s although eventually she’d be cremated and placed in the family plot beside their mother and father.

  “Maybe she’d like a memorial tree planted somewhere,” Nikki said, her mind racing over possible locations.

  “No,” Sonja said. “The apples are for you. Erin just wants you to be happy. To do things for yourself, not her. Things that make you feel good.”

  Nikki pressed her ramrod spine back against the chair. She didn’t know how apples would make her feel better. Even her work had lost appeal. In fact, she’d just forwarded photos to an insurance company showing their client carrying a bulky sofa. In one of the pictures he’d been grimacing, although she knew that wouldn’t soften the insurance company’s stance. The fact that he might be cut off from his benefits because he’d been helping his elderly mom didn’t leave her feeling very good.

  Not much did anymore. Except Justin.

  Sonja must have seen the distaste in Nikki’s face. “Why don’t you stop surveillance work for a while? Go live with your hot detective. Figure out what you want to do now that the mission to find your sister is over. I bet Justin wouldn’t mind having you and Gunner around.”

  Maybe not. But while Nikki seemed to have lost her purpose, Justin was still a driven detective, already immersed in his next case. He’d kissed her goodbye yesterday, reluctant to leave the bed. Yet he’d scooped up his badge and holster with a hunter’s enthusiasm. She didn’t want to dull that passion by turning needy, always checking the time and wondering when he’d return.

  “Just figure out what makes you happy,” Sonja continued, “now that you’re not obsessed with finding Erin.”

  Nikki didn’t like the word “obsessed.” It conjured up images of raging maniacs. And she couldn’t just switch off her thoughts. Erin had been her reason for getting up every morning. It was impossible to stop wishing she were alive. Impossible for Nikki to stop thinking she’d sent her sister on that fateful trail ride.

  And it was still hard to wrap her mind around Robert’s pure evilness. At least he’d pay for his crimes. Hopefully prison wouldn’t be kind to him. At some point, she knew she’d have to stop agonizing about the past. Just not yet.

  Sonja’s next client arrived so Nikki trudged back to her office, studiously averting her eyes from Gunner’s empty dog bed. Maybe sitting in her car with a camera wouldn’t be so bad. At least, it would get her out of the office. Still, it was impossible to rouse much enthusiasm about tracking down the tomcat that was stalking a neighbor’s prized Pomeranian.

  And that was the real source of her discontent. She’d become an investigator to help others avoid the pain her family had endured. Her mission to find Erin had buffered the fact that the majority of her cases were mind-numbing. She’d gladly search for missing children for free. But she needed the bread and butter clients to pay her bills.

  Her phone buzzed. Justin’s work number showed on the display and she jabbed the green button. Maybe he had a few extra minutes and they could meet for coffee.

  “I’m waiting on warrants,” Justin said. “Can you take a break? Want to come with me on a job?”

/>   “Yes.” She spoke so quickly that he chuckled, a low intimate sound that made her wish he was closer.

  “Don’t you want to know where we’re going?”

  “Doesn’t matter. Anything beats tracking down an amorous stray cat.”

  “I’ll pick you up in twenty minutes,” he said. “Wear boots.”

  Eighteen minutes later she stood outside her office building, with hiking boots on her feet and several of Vinny’s delicious Panini sandwiches bagged and gripped in her hand. She already knew Justin’s eating times were scarce.

  When she slid into his car, carrying the smell of deli and fresh toasted bread, Justin smiled in appreciation.

  “Where are we going?” she asked, passing him a sandwich.

  “Quarry Road.” His eyes held hers as if studying her reaction. “I need to check the riding time from the barn to the clearing.”

  “Is that information for Savannah or Erin?”

  He was already biting into his sandwich and she didn’t repeat the question, respecting that there were aspects of his work he wouldn’t share. Besides, she wanted to prove—even if it was just to herself—that her mind wasn’t always wrapped around abductions. That she was able to share lighter moments and have fun. Normal people fun.

  She nibbled on her lunch, automatically pulling off a piece of salami before remembering Gunner wasn’t in the car.

  “He’ll be back with you soon,” Justin said, “Tony says the water therapy will be a huge boost. And laser treatments have done wonders for dogs with similar injuries.”

  She nodded. Whatever Gunner needed, he’d have. No matter the cost. Even if it meant she’d have to work security at a shopping mall. “I better get a ramp built for when he comes home.”

  “I’ll build it for you,” Justin said. “And one at my house too…just in case.”

  His suggestive tone sent heat curling through her body. “In case I can’t keep my hands off you?” she asked.

  His laugh was quick and deep but he didn’t voice the same sentiment, and that chipped away some of her glow. It wasn’t as if she wanted to move in. Neither of them was ready for that. However, her confidence could do with a boost. Especially now that she didn’t have Gunner or Robert or the hope of finding Erin. And she hated how she linked Robert in the same sentence with others so much more worthy.

  She steered her thoughts to simpler topics and soon they slid into comfortable conversation: the best type of cheese in a Panini, noonday traffic patterns and whether the San Jose Sharks could ever lure an elite player like Nathan MacKinnon. In fact, they didn’t talk shop at all and it was totally enjoyable, at least until Justin swung onto the rutted blacktop of Quarry Road.

  She straightened, staring out the window, searching for the conspicuous white fences with a mix of eagerness and dread. When she was a kid, she’d looked forward to this drive. All her problems had faded away when she was around horses. Now the place just left tension knotting between her shoulder blades.

  “What will happen to the stable?” she asked.

  “The property is going up for sale. It may never open again, especially if a developer snaps it up.”

  She traced a finger over the side of the window. It was regrettable that the city was losing one of its few remaining spots to ride, but Savannah’s tragedy left it unlikely any parent would want their child near the property, no matter if it had new owners. The stable simply had bad karma.

  “My mom blamed horses for everything,” Nikki said.

  “So do you.”

  She turned her head, frowning. “No, I don’t.”

  Justin just studied her, his expression surprisingly tender. He often looked unapproachable but right now his mouth was totally kissable. She already was familiar with the delightful ways he could use it on her body, and the knowledge created another wave of longing. That was certainly a better feeling than the tension that knotted her body the closer they drove to the stable. Erin had spent the last afternoon of her life here, and the barn wasn’t a place Nikki wanted to linger.

  “If we hurry,” she said, “maybe we’ll have time to stop at your house on the way back. Or mine, it’s closer.”

  “Nothing I’d like more,” he said, turning up the graveled driveway to the barn. “But we’ve got more important things to do today.”

  Nodding, she clenched her hands on her lap. Of course, she’d been joking although she wouldn’t object to anything that would speed up this visit. Now that she knew the truth about Robert, it was impossible not to dissect all the times he had popped by the barn to watch them ride. Erin had never wanted Robert to take pictures of Nikki riding. She’d never wanted Nikki to sit in the front seat either. Nikki had never understood her sister’s motives, had always thought Erin was being selfish.

  And Nikki’s single-minded focus on keeping their barn jobs had made it easier for Robert to corner Erin. Her mother had blamed the horses for her sister’s disappearance, and she’d been right. But it had also been Nikki’s fault.

  “How long do you think it was going on?” she said, guessing Justin would know exactly what she was talking about.

  Justin reached over, lacing his fingers through hers. “I don’t know. And we never will. But I remember Robert bringing bananas, saying they were good nutrition. And you didn’t like anything baked with bananas. At the time, I just thought he was playing favorites with his nieces.” His voice thickened. “I should have guessed there was more to it.”

  She squeezed his hand. Obviously she wasn’t the only one struggling with guilt. But there was no reason Justin should have noticed. Even her mother hadn’t. And Robert had been clever, sliding in comments, driving wedges between them.

  “I understand why Robert didn’t want Mom and I being friends with a detective,” she said. “But you never seemed to think much of Robert either. Why was that?”

  Justin pulled to a stop behind the stable, reached forward and turned off the ignition.

  “Why was that?” she repeated.

  “He was a dirty cop,” Justin said. “He sent you to Japan so you wouldn’t hear the whispers. And he was always lying to your mother, making a big deal about how he shared her dislike for horses. The reality was he visited the track often. He was there the day you went with me but he ducked behind the crowd at the winner’s circle so you wouldn’t see him.”

  “But you never told me. Never said anything negative.”

  “You needed him,” Justin said. “Your mother was sick and you had no one else but Robert.”

  I had you. But she sat silent and unmoving, only her mind spinning. Robert had always made sly innuendoes about Justin; she could see it now. But Justin hadn’t retaliated. Not once. And he’d had so much more ammunition. Yet Justin had let her mother believe the worst of him.

  He always did the right thing, never worrying what anyone thought. Even when he was a young man running the barn, he’d never bowed to the older, richer parents. He’d just done what was right—for the kids and the horses.

  “You’re much braver than me,” she said.

  Justin gave a disbelieving snort and jabbed his thumb toward the barn. “You’re one of the most courageous people I know. Remember when that curly-haired guy tossed little Timmy in the manure pile, showing off for the older girls? You jumped right in, ready to fight the bullying, no matter the cost. You always stood up for the underdog. That helped me make the stable a better place. And this is the one spot you seemed truly happy.”

  She stared unseeingly out the window. Justin was trying to make her feel better, but the barn, the horses, the memories were all too entwined with losing Erin. The last time she’d been here she still had hope. Now though, it was obvious closure wasn’t all that the therapists made it out to be. She felt hollow, along with the fear she’d carry this insidious grief for the rest of her life.

  She fumbled for the door handle, suddenly needing fresh air.

  “I hate like hell that your childhood was cut short,” Justin said, reaching across h
er lap and lifting the handle. “Come on. Let’s see what horses they have for us.”

  That got her attention. “Horses? “She twisted on the seat, the door half open. “What do you mean? You actually want to ride the trail?”

  “That’s right,” he said, checking the lock on his metal gun box before unfolding from the car.

  She pushed the door wider and stepped out, realizing now why he’d told her to wear boots. And riding was okay, she reassured herself, brushing away her dismay. It had been a long time since she’d been on a horse but if it involved gathering evidence for Erin or Savannah’s cases, she wanted to help. Having a reason to be here made the visit easier.

  A welcoming nicker grabbed her attention. Stormy was ambling across the sun-dried dirt of his paddock. The pony jammed his head over the middle rail, staring with hopeful eyes. For a timeless moment it felt as if she’d just stepped off the school bus.

  Feeding him treats had been forbidden because of the pony’s unfortunate tendency to nip. But she’d gathered carrots and apples from school lunch leftovers and brought them anyway, making sure Justin never noticed.

  “That pony has a good memory,” Justin said. “Appears he’s still expecting treats.”

  Nikki laughed and gave his arm a little bump. “I thought you didn’t know.”

  “Of course I knew. You were so happy when Stormy came to you like a dog, I didn’t have the heart to stop it.”

  “That was nice of you,” she said, bending and plucking some grass. “I hope he goes to a good home. He deserves a retirement place with lots of love.”

  “Unfortunately that’s not how it works for horses like him,” Justin said. “Parents buy safe ponies for their kids, not ones who buck and bite when they’re not treated properly.”

  “But surely some child here wants him. You can’t stop yourself from caring, even when the one you love is a challenge.”